My parents, Jovan Belcher, Murder, Suicide,…….where are we?

I’m not a statistician, or a crime reports enthusiast but I’m sure when my father murdered my mother in 1977 – it was considered a rare crime. Till’ this day I still wonder what the back story was. What was my father going through? What was on his mind? What kind of demons did he have? Was there a psychiatric issue? All unanswered questions that pop up in my head from time to time.

To be honest; these are unwanted thoughts. I’d rather not think about such but I can’t stop because it seems every month I’m reading about another murder/suicide in the paper or on the internet. And ultimately there are going to be children like me – with more questions than answers.

But the most basic of all questions is “When and Why?”

When did we (as a society) get to this point where murder and suicide is perceived as an option? What circumstances get so bad where a person feels that murdering their spouse and killing themselves is the only choice? This is what truly haunts me. Has mankind acquired more cowardly ways? Can’t bear the pain of going through rough waters anymore? Does the rise in murder and suicides coincide with the rise of divorces? If times are that bad than how did all those marriages make it through the Great Depression? Since when did we become too weak to hold on?

These are questions I’m still waiting for ansers for. My mother died from a hit to the back of the head. Could have been a mistake, could have been on purpose. My father shot himself in the chest 2 days later. No answers, just questions.

I quiver a bit when I read about a spousal murder/suicide. Feels like a sucker punch to the gut. I always think about the kids. Who will raise them? Who will teach them? What will they become?

1 comment

  • Kalimah

    Kalimah

    Thank you for posting and posing these tough questions Kahn. When I first learned of your story my heart ached for you, fir your mother and your father. I became familiar with your grandparents through your spoken word performances and appreciated their love for you. I also have so much respect for you as a husband and father. You are a gift, Kahn. I am so glad you survived and I hold space for you as a strong, talented, and gifted man. God bless you and I want you to train with me next October. The season is about to over and I tried to get it going but other matters are pressing them right now...

    Thank you for posting and posing these tough questions Kahn. When I first learned of your story my heart ached for you, fir your mother and your father. I became familiar with your grandparents through your spoken word performances and appreciated their love for you. I also have so much respect for you as a husband and father. You are a gift, Kahn. I am so glad you survived and I hold space for you as a strong, talented, and gifted man. God bless you and I want you to train with me next October. The season is about to over and I tried to get it going but other matters are pressing them right now...

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